Posted by
Jimmy Carter on Sunday, December 16, 2007 2:50:30 PM
Recently I was "Guest of Honor" at a dinner held by the most lovely and gracious Hostess (truth be told, I call Myself "Guest of Honor" everywhere I go). Because of Her generosity, when She hosts an event anyone and everyone is invited, meaning that one person always makes an appearance. Everyone knows about whom I am referring. I don't make the rules, I just make fun of people.
This particular person is a thin female with long straight black hair, never wears make-up, and majored in "Education." I call this hippy chick "Pistil."
Pistil: "Oh, do you like my new frock?"
JC: "I thought you were holding curtains."
Pistil: "It's earth tone"
JC: "Right, brown."
Pistil: "I got these Tevas in Italy when I was there volunteering to help fight 'hunger.' They're made of hemp."
JC: "How many meals could you have bought for the price of those 'pot sandals?'"
Pistil: "And my poly-blend knee-highs."
JC: "Socks."
JC: "So, what did you do this summer?"
Pistil: "It's called 'global warming.'"
JC: "We're having chicken for dinner."
Pistil: "That's murder."
JC: "Tomato."
Pistil: "NATZI!!!!"
This Hostess has always provided (nearly) everything for Her events, but there is one thing I've learned from Pistil and it is this: when a Conservative has a problem, they seek a solution....when a liberal has a problem, they seek to make it everyone's problem.
Pistil enters the kitchen carrying a wicker basket lined with linen. She places the basket on the table and opens the cloth and says,"I always bring spelt. Some people are sensitive to glutens found in normal bread."
Now, I know what You are thinking My fellow "knuckle-draggers," so I looked it up for Us:
spelt (spelt) n. A hearty wheat grown mostly in Europe, purchased at select "organic" markets, eaten by elite liberals in order to feel like an elite liberal.
Pistil: "Would You like some spelt?"
JC: "No thanks. I don't eat anything named in the past tense. It sounds regurgitated; like having 'steaked' or 'hamburgered.'"
Pistil: "I brought my own honey. I only eat honey that was created using humane conditions by an apiculturist. It's healthier."
JC: "Really? People have been consuming garbage since the Dawn of Time and y'all still complain about 'over population.'"
Pistil: "I brought some organic vegetables just in case someone else would like to have good food."
JC: "Thanks, but I'll just have some meat topped with meat with a side of meat, and meat for dessert. Super-sized."
There We have it. The perfect word to describe that liberal attitude:
spelt (spelt) v. -ed, -ing, -s 1. the act of condescending through the use of words by liberals 2. to verbally assault
Let's try some sentences:
"Al Gore spelts about 'global warming.'"
"Mrs. Bill Clinton is spelting about 'universal healthcare.'"
"Ms. Pelosi spelted to Us about 'minimum wage.'"
"Ms. Boxer has spelted about 'smoking' and 'trans-fats.'"
So, the next time You are engaged in a dialogue with a liberal and it feels like something just spilled on the front of Your shirt, You have just been "spelted."